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Emotional Purity

Growing up in church, I've heard about purity...a lot. About every year or so we go through at least one sex series and talk about "how far is too far" and how to have a "pure" relationship. All these things are very important, and extremely relevant to people's lives. However, I strongly feel that we overlook a HUGE part of purity that I feel is just as important as physical purity...and that is emotional purity. I see it all the time...two people start dating...they've grown up in church...they've had purity ingrained into their minds...they know how far they're supposed to go. They wait and wait and wait to kiss...again...all good things. But...instead of making out...they spend their time talking for hours and sharing all about their hurts and struggles, family problems, past relationships...they become best friends...learn to trust each other, they express their love for each other, spend all their time together, they know each other inside and out...they get close with each others family, and soon learn to depend on each other as a support and refuge for life's struggles...and then...it ends.

Now, they not only have to deal with the loss of a boyfriend...but also the loss of a best friend...a family, a support, counselor, etc. They may not have given themselves away physically...but emotionally...they've given everything. They are left broken and confused..."I thought it would last forever". This is because they never knew what emotional purity was all about.

I believe that when you get married you should give yourself physically for the first time...I also believe God desires us to save our emotional body for our spouse as well. So, we need to do what we can to keep our emotional well-being in tact so as not to become an emotional wreck for our husbands/ wives.

So how do you stay emotional pure? Physical purity is somewhat easy to preach (not easy to do)...but emotional purity is more ambiguous. Here are some things I think can help.

1. Don't say I love you. If you're in high school there's a 98% chance that you don't actually love the person you are with...and a 96% chance that you don't know what love is. For more information on this...watch the Nooma video called flame.

2. Keep your friends. Don't hang out with your friends much less. Self-explanatory.

3. Don't make your boyfriend/girlfriend your best friend. There is no reason for him/her to know your secrets... tell your friends/small group about the struggles in your life... And it's impossible to be "accountability partners" with your significant other...so don't pretend to try.

4. Don't let yourself, or your friends fantasize about the future. DO NOT talk about marriage until you are ready to be engaged. If you are in high school marriage shouldn't even be in your vocabulary...unless you are talking about your parents. Don't let your friends tell you how cute your babies will be or pick out your bridesmaids dresses...just don't. All this does is put extra pressure on the relationship and bring expectations into it that can't be fulfilled. You will be let down.

5. Be Independent... Don't make plans based on a relationship...that, I'm sorry, won't last...don't pick your college, career, ministry, or senior prom date based on the relationship you're in now. Do what is right for YOU.

6. Remember that you were created for the purpose of glorifying God...not a person. You were put on earth for God's pleasure...don't be a boyfriend pleaser.

Let's face it, boys are physical, and girls are emotional...we know this. So if girls need to help out our brother's physical purity by being modest and wearing one-piece bathing suits at camp...then boys need to help girls maintain their emotional purity. This means...don't bring up things like marriage and love and all that stuff unless you're ready to marry us...which you're not. And don't joke about liking us when it's not true.

Ok, I'm sorry this is so long...I have a lot to say on this subject. Thanks for reading...let me know what you think too.

And, if you're in high school...I recommend reading "Dateable". Even if you're not...read it anyway.

COMPLETELY agreed! On every point! Well said, Alanna! So... when does your book come out??

so true!!!

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